Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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