How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
