just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize