): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize