While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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