is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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