I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
