I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't deserve a penis
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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