So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
