my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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