He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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