hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
