I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
