Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
