i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
