fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
