Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I supernannyed him into submission
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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