Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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