I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
