Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
