just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
