i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
