Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
