you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
