I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I did not marry a roomba.
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