Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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