Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
