i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
