Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.

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(559): View more from California

I queefed so loud it echoed.

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(804): View more from Virginia

Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.

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(954): View more from Florida

Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.

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(209): View more from California

I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.

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(713): View more from Texas

he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"

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(309): View more from Illinois

Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".

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(231): View more from Michigan

Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.

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