I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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