Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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