Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
where are my eyebrows?
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