mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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