i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
