I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
