My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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