You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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