youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
