I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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