I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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