Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
