I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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