I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
