Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
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Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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