I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
