Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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