another moral hangover. fuck.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
