i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
