im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
