I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think your dad took our porno
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
