she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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