I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
