thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
