i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
