weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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