All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
