I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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