wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
