I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
