I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
