went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You have to summon your inner elephant
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
