Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
high people should be assigned attendants
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
