I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
