You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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