I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
