I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
