do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
