Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
