hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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