I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize