we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
