Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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