dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
