i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
